Today’s post will be brief and that’s because I’d like you to read a story written by Dennis Waitley. It’s a fascinating, true story. It’s not very long and yet it contains some very powerful ideas, if you but give it a little thought. It was posted at www.insightoftheday.com
In my last post I spoke about the fact that at first glance a dream can look too difficult, like the ‘tough choice’. It may indeed be difficult, but taking the easy out and ignoring your dream will be the much more difficult choice in the long run. I certainly wouldn’t recommend it…
After you’ve read this story, I’d love to hear any thoughts it inspired in you and where you might apply them to your life.
I saw some nice models, but to be honest I didn’t find that ‘perle rare’ I’m always looking for. That’s alright…I know the nature of this business. It’s when you least expect it that you can bump right into her. Which is why any scout who’s ‘worth their salt’ is continuously scanning the horizon no matter where they are. Some of my best finds have been in a crowded metro in Paris (Amelie Honore) or backstage of a very small ‘B’ level show in Dusseldorf (Ujjwala Raut).
I had an e-mail today from a high school classmate. I had found her name on Classmates.com and wrote her to say hello and to let her know what I’d been up to since those many years ago.
She wrote back and after saying ‘hi’, her first two sentences were these:
“I would have never thought in a million years you would have chosen a career in the modeling industry. Talk about a tough career choice.”
I think that first sentence is a polite version of “How did you ever become a model?!!” You’d have to have known me back then but her comment makes perfect sense. Let’s just say I wasn’t in the running for Homecoming Queen.
Her second sentence got me to thinking. Was my decision to become a model a tough career choice? I guess you could look at it that way, though I never did. Modeling certainly involves a lot more competition, uncertainty and ego-bruising than many other careers.
But as former top model Kathy Ireland once said, “Sacrifice is not doing what is your passion.”
Amen to that.
While becoming a fashion model is definitely tough at times, not going for what you really love, not allowing what’s inside of you to be expressed would be a lot tougher, in my book. Whether it’s modeling or anything else you really love and desire, the very least and the very most we can do is to try.
If I take the time to become aware of what I really want; if I make the decision to commit to it and pay the necessary price; if I give it absolutely everything I’ve got, then I can say I truly tried. What the outcome will be, remains to be seen.
But the fact is, I will have done my part. And I won’t live in the half-light of ‘what if?’.
There’s a well-known quote by Mark Twain: “Years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did NOT do…than by the ones you DID do.”
Opting not to try and ending up with regret–now that’s a tough choice.
Soon the moving epicenter of Fashion will be here. The runways in New York have front and center right now, but their fashion week is wrapping up this Friday. Next comes London, February 20-24. And then will be the collections in Milan, February 25-March 04. Paris finishes it off with their collections March 5-12.
Collections in these cities are a very big deal and any Fashionista worth their Prada bag and Gucci sunglasses will be in attendance, making careful notes.
The shows are later in the season this year than usual. But you can see how they are all lined up back to back and this never changes. It’s done this way so that the buyers and the press can sweep through as many of the shows as possible with the least amount of ‘down’ time between Collections.
There are fashion ‘weeks’ all over the world; more and more in fact and in some surprising places. You can see the calendar by going to this link:
And to follow the Collections and the industry in general, be sure to check out www.models.com, as you may already know.
I’m here in Milan looking for some very new girls–girls who aren’t ‘ready for prime time’ yet and are here early to see the designers before the mass exodus of ‘It’ girls from NY flood Milan. I’ve found that you can meet some very promising overlooked and/or undiscovered talent that way.
I read an interesting newsletter article the other day. The subject was about losing fat. Not the most glamorous of topics, I’ll give you that much, but the premise behind the whole article was well worth noting.
The author begins his article this way:
“You want the secret to fat loss? Okay, but you’re not going to like it.”
Fair enough, we’re prepared for the worst–so just what is the secret to fat loss?
He tells us, “When you accept how HARD it is to lose fat, it becomes easy.”
At first sight, that line runs the risk of looking silly or overly simple. But I thought about that for a minute and realized how much wisdom was packed around those 13 words.
When we’re trying to achieve something or change something or make some kind of transformation, most of the time it’s not going to be easy. Correction. It’s going to be HARD. Not hard as in a long shot or insurmountable or unbearable. Just hard as in requiring diligent practice, foregoing the easy way out and the path of least resistance. Hard as in giving up something we have to get something of greater value.
The author’s point is that if we will face that fact squarely and head-on from the beginning, it suddenly becomes easy because we have a clear grasp on the situation. Once we know it’s hard we are then in a position to consciously decide if we choose to go for it.
If not, fair enough. We can stop there. But if we decide that we want what’s on the other side of ‘hard’ and are willing to pay that price, the whole process becomes simplified and streamlined. No mind games about how “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “This is no fun” or “I’m too tired.” No deflating willpower as we cry “I never expected this!”
Instead, knowing and accepting from the get-go that it’s going to be hard, you can move on from there immediately and start concentrating on what needs to be done to get you what you want. Without any ‘états d’âme’, (a fancy way to say ‘whining’.)
The author is talking about losing fat. But he wraps up his article with this line:
‘You can apply this to any aspect of your life and you’ll experience success beyond your wildest dreams.’
And here is where I share with you that second conversation from London–with Nikki.
I knew Nikki from before. I’d scouted her in London about 3 years ago. I remember her as being extremely photogenic but also a little quiet and needing to lose a few pounds. She came over to Paris at that time and stayed a short while. I don’t remember anything very spectacular happening for her while she was with us. Despite being photogenic and quietly pleasant, the clients just didn’t seem to pick up on her.
While I was in London one of the bookers from the agency called me to say that they had received some photos by e-mail from Nikki and that it would be good if I could meet her in person while I was in London. Talk about timing! I got in touch with Nikki and we set up an appointment for 9.30 the next morning in my hotel. I came to find out later that she lived far enough out of the city that she needed to leave two hours before our appointment in order to reach me by train on time. I appreciated her dedication.
When I came down to the lobby for our meeting, I didn’t recognize her at first. The last time I saw Nikki she had long dark hair. The young woman waiting on the couch had short blond hair. But she was also about 15 pounds lighter than the Nikki I’d last seen. And she had such an air of smiling enthusiasm and confidence about her, it was amazing.
“Nikki! How are you? You look great!” I told her.
She thanked me and said that she’d been busy…having two baby girls over the last three years!
I congratulated her and told her that motherhood obviously suited her–she never looked better. Nikki told me that she had changed a lot because of it. That before she used to worry about whether people liked her or not, agents and clients in particular. Now, she said, she’s her own source of approval. And as a result, by not caring whether or not the client ‘likes’ her, she gets more bookings than ever. “You know,” she told me, “it’s no good when you try too hard.”
London itself is a very big town and as such is home to many modeling agencies with lots and lots of models. But after a week of scouting and meeting countless agents and models alike, two conversations stand out most in my mind.
The first one I’d like to tell you about was with Tina, a very pretty young woman from Zimbabwe. I had never met anyone before from that country and I was a more than a little surprised by her answer when I asked her where she was from. With her platinum hair and pale skin she looked more like a Swedish milk maid to me than a citizen of Central Africa. But that just goes to show how much I know.
I could see right away, that although Tina was pretty and had an interesting look, her type wasn’t right for us. In the course of the conversation I told her that and suggested other markets I thought she would correspond more to (Germany, Spain, Milan). But as I was speaking to her, almost immediately we got on to a very interesting tangent.
As I usually do, I asked Tina how she got started and about her experience as a model. What she had to say really interested me and I asked her to tell me more. She began by saying that she got started in modeling at 16 but there wasn’t much going on in her area in the way of modeling and so she soon moved to South Africa to pursue her career.
Tina told me that she did model for a couple of years, first in Zimbabwe a bit, then in South Africa and finally in London. But that it all became too much for her and she stopped. I asked her why–what happened?
Tina said that as a young teenager she focused her energy and attention on how she looked, rather than on getting to know who she was. She was never satisfied with what she saw in the mirroir; she was always comparing herself (unfavorably) to others, while at the same time ignoring who she was becoming at this crucial stage of her life. In the midst of all that, she decided to model.
I write about a similar phenomenon in my home study course The Secret in Modeling. I call it the “Ugly Duckling Syndrome”. This is where someone who was considered ‘homely’ by their peers and by themselves, goes through a physical transformation, suddenly waking up to find themselves model material. But that is another blog post.
Let’s stick with Tina’s story for the moment. She told me that she entered the business, inordinately concerned and insecure about her looks while at the same time not very much in touch with herself. And the more she got involved in modeling, the worse this condition became. She felt that many of the people she dealt with in the business were very interested only in how she looked and not very interested in who she was. Finally it became too much for her and she quit modeling altogether.
Tina took a break for a couple of years. She took the time to know herself, to get in touch with and develop her inner self. Now she’s back she says, stronger and better than ever. Tina says that she now feels that she has a foundation beneath her feet. The foundation of being clear on who she is and of her own self-worth–and secure in the knowledge that the opinions of others can do nothing to change that.
Reminds me of that book title, “What you think of me is none of my business.”
The snow has subsided and London has stirred to life. So I was back in business and hitting the scouting trail this morning. At my first appointment I had an interesting meeting with a London agent. He was talking about the problem he and many other agencies in the world have when they’re sharing what is commonly known as a ‘top girl’.
A top girl may not yet qualify for the status of super model, but there are people in the background betting on her and putting all their available energy and talent into making just that happen. “The people in the background” will invariably be the top in their respective fields–editors, designers, photographers and above all, agents.
Such a model will have agencies in more than one market (city/country). She’ll have an agency in NY, Paris and Milan to be sure. But she will probably also have an agency in London and perhaps also Spain, Germany and Tokyo. And not to mention her mother agency, which is the agency which found and/or started her in her home country. And things get complicated when each one of those agencies wants to put their booking on her chart. But the agency holding her chart, which is usually where she is currently building her career–NY or Paris, often does not look kindly on those bookings. When a top girl is on the escalator to supermodel status, the agency managing her career has to keep a global eye on how this lass spends her days.
So getting back to my meeting of this morning, the London agent was telling me of such a situation where he had a booking for a top girl for a nice catalog paying roughly $50,000 for a few days’ work. Nice work if you can get it. The only glitch was that the Paris agency, the one holding her chart, felt that this client–well-known but only ‘top’, not yet ’super’ themselves–was not worthy to be associated with their (hopefully) future star. And so would not give the green light for her London agent to take the booking.
I can see the point from both sides. But what I couldn’t help thinking was, “No one’s asking the model’s opinion on this.” And doubtless she doesn’t even know this tug of war is going on.
I’ve seen from experience a situation where a girl with great potential and whose agency has great hopes pinned on her can barely pay her rent while her agents wait for the ‘right’ client to show up. It’s a calculated risk. If it pays off, it pays off big-time. If not, well….
It reminds me of a model friend of mine who once said to me, “I just want to be a star at my bank.”
We won’t do this in real time, so suffice it to say that I did eventually get to that taxi stand. Still snowing, still dark. And a line of people ahead of me also hoping for a taxi to come by. Which isn’t happening.
The thought that I may not make this train is becoming more apparent. But in 25 years of traveling the world I’ve missed a plane just once and I’ve never missed a train. I didn’t want to start today.
Which left me then with one alternative–the metro. And which meant one thing. I’d be dragging that bag–whose wheels by now have locked up permanently–up and down more stairs than I cared to think about. Oh, and did I mention that I was also wearing a backpack that was weighted down like a bowling bag?
But if I was going to catch my train to London, that is what I would have to do, and even then I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Fortunately the metro station is literally right next to the taxi stand. As I stood at the top of the first steep flight of stairs I knew that, given the combined weight and density of all that was attached to me, it would be impossible to get down them in a controlled and stately manner. So the three of us–suitcase, backpack and me–hurtled ourselves from the top and somehow managed to reach the bottom intact, avoiding bodily harm to other travelers on the way down.
The next task at hand is to buy some tickets. That’s a pretty easy and straightforward process. Just go to the machine, put in your card, punch in some numbers and wait…The machine spits out the tickets and I take the suitcase to begin dragging it to the entrance. And I would have, too, except that the handle comes off in my hand. All I can think of is that I must make this train, so I find some way to grab the thing and walking backwards, pull it to the entrance. Getting it through the turnstyle was interesting as were all the other flights of stairs and changing metro lines twice. But I made it to the train station and I got on that train!
Although we arrived late due to the weather, I did make it to London, which was having the worst snowfall in 18 years! It’s all over the news here. It seems 6.5 million people didn’t come in to work today as a result of the snow and it’s estimated it will cost the country 1.2 BILLION (?) pounds in lost revenue!! And that’s just for today. Supposed to snow tomorrow too…
It turns out the agencies I had appointments with today also canceled. The bookers either couldn’t get in to work or were leaving early to make sure they could get home from work. So despite my efforts of the morning, I find my afternoon schedule completely empty.
But that’s OK. It will give me a chance to buy a new suitcase…
Next scouting stop–London. I really like London. It’s a very pretty city, rather elegant and although everyone here speaks English (surprise!) it definitely feels like Europe. So for me it’s perfect. The charms of the old world in a language I can understand. Well, for the most part. They definitely have their own brand of English and it seems to me at least a dozen different accents. But I’ll pick out enough words to get the gist of what’s being said. And when I don’t, they’re always polite about repeating it to me until I do. So London trips for me have always been very smooth and pleasant and predictable.
This time would be different.
My day began at 6.30 a.m., giving me lots of time to get to the 9.07 Eurostar (the train that goes under the English Channel). When I looked out the window, though, I was confused for a second–what I was seeing didn’t register at first. Then I realised that what looked like meringue on each parked car was in fact 5 inches of snow–something I don’t think I’ve seen in Paris in all the years I’ve been here. I thought it looked pretty and made the morning a little exciting.
I didn’t know the half of it…
I had ordered a taxi the night before to pick me up at 7.15. I went down a couple minutes before, waiting in the dark and soft falling snow. All was quiet and white and peaceful…too peaceful in fact. Normally the taxis are early when you order them the night before. Now it was 7.20 and mine still wasn’t here.
I waited another 5 minutes and still not seeing my taxi and in fact no cars at all, I knew something was wrong. I began calling the taxi company I’d reserved with, but got a non-stop busy signal. At that point I realised that if I planned on getting to London that morning I’d have to change my plans.
And so I began to walk to a taxi station. In good weather it would have been a matter of 10 minutes. But on an icy sidewalk dragging a (very) heavy suitcase whose wheels lock up in the snow, was another matter. Enhanced by the fact that the shoes I was wearing had about as much traction as two wet bars of soap.
So instead of handing the driver my bag and leaning back to doze in a taxi as I’d planned, I’m now inching forward, testing each spot on the sidewalk before putting a foot down, dragging 25 kilos of dead weight behind me.
This goes on, painstakingly, for many minutes when I see the lights of a car breaking up the darkness and as it gets closer I can see that it’s an empty taxi! Oh happy day/night!
As he approaches, I step onto the street to flag him down. He drives right on by. I climb back onto the sidewalk, take up my burden and at a snail’s pace, continue in the direction of the taxi stand…
Hello all! Or, ‘Bonjour tout le monde!’, as they are fond of saying in Paris.
“OK”, I can hear you thinking, “let’s pass on the funny words and cut straight to the chase. Did she or did she not get the job? The highly lucrative, all expense-paid, 10 days in the Mexican Caribbean booking that Priscilla raced from a transatlantic flight for!?”
Dear reader, nothing would please me more than to give a resounding Yes she can! Could…did….whatever. But unfortunately, that is not the case.
It is true that Priscilla exudes youth and beauty and positivity. And she even went to the hairdresser! But for reasons known only to him, the client felt that she wasn’t what he was looking for. As is his perfect right.
This is modeling in the real world at its–I wouldn’t say ‘finest’ exactly–but definitely at its most real. You’ve got everything the client’s asking for, you’ve done everything you can to prepare for that casting, you think you’re ‘that close’ to getting the job….and then you don’t.
Modeling is not a science, exact or otherwise. But one thing it surely is, is a numbers game. As a former model myself, I know. All models, even the most successful are going to hear more no’s than yes’s in their career. And that is simply because there are more models than there are bookings to go around. Even at the level of supermodel, there are more supermodels out there than there are supermodel-level bookings.
But what’s important is that you get enough yes’s, that’s all. You just need enough yes’s to make for a wonderful experience, career, life. Oftentimes people will think that because they’re hearing some no’s it must mean that whatever they want is not meant for them. They don’t want to face another no, another rejection and so they take it personally and quit. Major boo-boo!
The fact is, it’s a numbers game and the more no’s you get, the closer you are to the next yes. Do that enough times, and you’ve got a lovely line of yes’s behind you. And in front of you, as I said, a wonderful experience, career, life.
As for Priscilla, don’t worry about her. She’s a professional and has that “Right Attitude” which pulls it all together. As I said before, the girl knows how it goes. She understands it’s all a numbers game. And as such, is on to her next ‘yes’.
